Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
