I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
