you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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