what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
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