please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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