Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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