Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
