just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
