Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
