i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
