Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
