I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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