I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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