So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
