I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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