Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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