Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
