I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize