I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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