Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
