I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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