Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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