I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
