if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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