i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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