I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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