Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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