I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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