you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
