Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
