i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
