she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
