At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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