so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
