Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
