My hand turned me down
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
