I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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