Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize