I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
