my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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