Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
