You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
