The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
