my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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