Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
