So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
