how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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