i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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