I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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