I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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