I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
