his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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