So drunk its hurt
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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