dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she woke up with a sticky ear
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
