the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
