i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Less talking, more tequila
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
