so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
