The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Randomize
