I haven't been this sober since birth.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
