I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
