Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
