Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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