You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
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just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
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And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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