So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
