I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
your room smells of hookers.
And success
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Randomize
