I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
