I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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