I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
