the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
