I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
