Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
