I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
