He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
