Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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